What are the reasons so that married couples can not divorce.
Economic reasons that couples can not divorce
Much money and agony is spent in an attempt to divorce . The MAN has to pay the upkeep of two houses :
The previous house and the new house that he moves in after the divorce.
Additionally the couple need to distribute their assets that in most cases is a house alimony and child support payment which he has to pay for many years, the contents of the house, and a vehicle.
Mental reasons that the couples can not divorce
The decomposition of a familial cell is a hard processes, and it is the most complex thing in the world.
They were edited many studies in the subject, and all of them arrived to the same deduction :
A. That death is the most difficult separation of a loved one, and therefore this is the most mental most crisis that we will be able to a experience, in the course our life.
B. Divorce is the second mental crisis that is extreme hard to separate from Woman / spouse or a sweetheart , and the separation from children that you loved.
Now a day every thing can be changed except a sick marriage relation as follows :
A. If MAN or Woman are unsatisfied :
From their profession, from their career, or from the place of work.
They simply will exchange their profession their career, or to a new workplace.
B. If they are unsatisfied of their neighborhood, they will move to a new neighborhood.
C. If they are unsatisfied from their body, or from their faces, they will have a face lift or go for a diet.
D. Almost in every fields of life it's possible to change , only in the field of marriage there is no possibility to change, and some time impossible to divorce for example :
If one of the couple does not want to divorce, or that he can not divorce,.
for, economic, mental, or other reasons.
The characteristics of the abject couples
There are an old tendency in the last years to explain to men and to young women that fear marriage, that nowadays it is easy to divorce if you do not succeed in your marriage, there is no problem, and it is extremely simple to divorce.
The society persuasive the young couples that it is like to buy a used car, if the car will be o.k. than you will keep the car, and if not you will sell the car or junk it.
This picture is not correct.
Close to 50 % percent of the couples can not get a divorce and become abject in their duality.
They fights and quarrels are infinite for every little subject, and subjects like these are found in most couples.
Part of their life they fear and abused violently physically and there are hard mental cases, some of these couples do not speak with each other for a long time.
Part of them do not have sex for years and part of these couples sleep in the same house but in separated rooms.
Part of them the children :
The boys passed alongside to the father, and the girls passed alongside to the mother, and vice verse.
Every family members is participants in the war for many years. Also when are born grandchildren the war continue and passes to the grandchildren.
The authorities and the state invest a lot of time that cost the tax payer a lot of money in order to save these poor marriages
Many complaints are served to the police, and part of these complaints after inquiry are passed :
To the courts, the rabbinical court, or to the family court. Accompany with all type of violation and familial problem.
Besides there are advisers lawyers, marriage counselors, social services,
or the treatment and mental rehabilitation, and in extreme cases of physically, or brutality violence. The women and their kids
are directed to treatment in the hospital.
In hard situations, violent men were sent to special work shop for treatment against violence, and the women were smuggled with their kids to the asylums for beaten women home and to long rehabilitation.
This is only partial description of the group of the abject couples that can't divorce. The couples that can divorce are given an additional opportunity to build a healthy family or to be free, and to rehabilitate their lives and the lives of their destroyed children.
Couples that can't divorce for economic reasons :
To divide the apartment between the divorce couples
A. For example :
the joint apartment of the mates is total 4 rooms, it is
About $ 200,000 dollar. On the apartment there is monthly mortgage in the sum of only $ 100,000 dollar, than the couple own a part of the apartment which is $ 100,000 dollar.
B. I.e. :
That every one of the couple, has a sum of
about $ 50,000 dollar.
C. If so after the division of the assets how would the Woman will be able to finance new apartment after the divorce. If she is left only with $ 50,000 dollars.
D. For example :
If the couple have two children the Woman needs one room to herself, two of the children need a room too, in particular if speaking, in a boy and a girl and additionally they need a living room. We are speaking in four rooms apartment to the family without the ex husband.
E. After the divorce if we want to save money we will be able to compress the family members also in a three rooms apartment, but it would be crowded.
F. The cost of three rooms apartment in a good neighborhood in the big cities is $ 150,000 dollar.
G. A single mother after the divorce can not afford to take a loan for $ 100,000 dollar to buy an apartment, what bank will give a single parent an amount like this, and how she will be able to return this kind of money to the bank.
H. When we talk from one salary and fees of alimony of three people. Which ability of monthly reimbursement will remain ? This disturbs the couple to divorce.
I. There is of a possibility of renting an apartment it is not a charming idea, because every two three Years can the landlord or the owner ask this family to vacate the apartment, and then she wander for a new apartment and again to register her kids to a new school, or to a new kindergarten, to new courses, and to acclimatize again in a new neighborhood and it is not easy.
The amazing calculation of all the amount of child support and alimony payment
The minimum amount for one child that social security pays is $ 665 dollars or (2,789 ISRAELI shekels) for one month to one child.
This is the minimum amount that the man has to pay for one child.
The $ 665 dollars for one month to one child multiply by
12 months in one year, this amount we multiply by
18 years , the man will have to pay
$ 143,434 U.S American Dollars.
$ 665 dollars per month
In any case this amount of money enables men to acquire a 3 room apartment in every beautiful city or neighborhood in Israel.
12 months a year
$143,434 U.S. Dollars
For alimony and child support
[ The alimony payments goes up according the inflation, and the economic (salary) ability of the man ]
More details on the payments of the alimony of the social security is possible to receive on the website.
The minimum amount that the Woman receives for alimony from social security
Given data :
when (1$ U.S. Dollars = 4.2 Israeli shekels)
For a Woman with 1, child the amount of payment of alimony is $ 665 dollars or (2,789 Israeli shekels) per month.
For Woman with 2 children, the amount of alimony is
$ 830 dollars or (3,485 Israeli shekels) per month, this up to date amount per month January 2001.
The details shows in the site of the social security.
The Israeli social security website alimony and child support www.btl.gov.il (in HEBREW)
Calculation of payments of alimony for divorced man
A. For example :
If a MAN has a monthly salary of $ 952 dollars per month, and he will be required to pay alimony for two children the amount of $ 830 dollars per month.
After the payments of the alimony for two of his children. The MAN would remain with $ 122 dollars per month. It is impossible for the man to start the month with only $ 122 dollars, it's not even enough for food.
If the MAN will require to pay alimony for one child he will pay an amount of $ 665 dollars per month, after payments of alimony, he will remain with $ 288 dollars for a living.
B. After payment of the alimony , the MAN financial expenses will unable him to make a living, from the remaining salary the man has to pay the rest of the cost of living for himself.
The ex husband has to find a new place for
rent of at last
$ 238 dollars per month, he should pay all these expenses and bills of :
property tax, electricity, water, committee of house , telephone, television, cables, and from within this amount, he has additionally payments :
For clothing, medication, nutrient, health, journeys, and this only a partially list.
C. The salary that was presented $ 952 dollars is
relate to a basic low salary in the market. It is clear that in higher income the MAN will have to pay more alimony for example if the man earns $ 1428 dollars per month.
The payments of the alimony would be higher according to the salary of the MAN. Every child will be additionally cost. Two children, will cause an addition financial cost, according to number of children and the ex husband salary.
D. These data would make it hard for the MAN to divorce. Therefore many men choose not to divorce, only from within the basic need of the desire to live respectfully.
E. If the Woman or the MAN are not working for health, mental reasons, or lack of profession that can insert them significant amount of money, in this situation like this it is almost impossibility to divorce.
Couples that can't divorce for mental reasons :
Panic of abandonment
A long marriage creates during the years relations of love friendship and physical and mental dependence. Relation of mental dependence create a panic of abandonment in for the dependent spouse.
Therefore was created a situation in which one of the mates will fight in any way possible, and there will be ready to suffer every bad type of relation, only not to divorce.
The fear to remain alone
The dependant spouse is afraid to leave the house, he is uncertain that he can find a new partner.
Nowadays when he is not young and good looking any more, he fears that he will not find a compatible spouse. He is afraid that he will remain solitary for the rest of his life.
Dangerous jealousy of the betrayed husband
Indoctrinate phenomena of jealousy in which the same spouse will not suffer a situation in which his spouse will marry again or they will have sex with some body ells. Jealousy is a type of exclusive feelings of love, and it is very hard to think about situation in which some one else is with your wife.
There are considerable cases that ends violently with regard to the Woman, or with regard to a new sweetheart. There are exception that ends in the loss of lives of man suicide or murder.
The fears of the biological father of his children from the stepfather
A. MAN that should leave the house and the family, feels actually that he abandons his wife and his kids. He feels that he did not do everything that in his ability in an attempt to prevent a situation in which his Woman will marry in the future, and this situation it will cause his kids to grow with a stepfather.
B. Stepfather that in the future will remove and override the biological father from all his roles and duties of the children.
It might be that the stepfather will invest his love and money in these children.
Slowly he will fill the place of their biological father.
C. It will not take long time before the biological father will find himself absolutely unnecessary to his children and he will have to move on with his life.
The biological father fears, that if he will divorce he will not be able to see his kids
It might be a situation in which the divorce did not solve all the quarrels between the couple, and the conflicts, and so every meeting between the couple there will be quarrel between them for example :
A. the couple do not cease their feud and to argue about the education of the children,
or on provisional visits of the father of the children, or his ex wife remarried. The biological
father will have a bad influence on his children and
it will cause unnecessary problems for all the family members.
Therefore the visits of the father must be suspended,
to several months or to several years, until the relations with his ex wife and his children will improve.
And permit quiet visits for all the family members.
B. If the mates continue to fight and use the children in an attempt to cause the other mate to suffer and be in pain. Also here the visits of the father must stop similarly.
To the clause.
Geographical distance unable the biological father to be in contact with his children
After the divorce it is very clear, that one of the divorced couple must move to reside to another city or
remote to another country. Another reason that she goes is to be close to her parents and support the ex wife for support and economic or mental reasons.
In a situation in which the biological father is far away from his children it takes time of journey of one hour or two hours.
A flight to a different country even a different continent. It is clear that the visit of the father to his children will be partially disconnected or no visitation at all.
Clear that it's possible to be in contact with the children by telephones or letters, or
even by the Internet, but it is not recommended. It is useless and has no meaning for the long term. Every relation that does not include steady meetings or visits on regular basis for a long term will not last and eventually will be broken in the future.
If enclose all of the conflict,
and the quarrels that between the mates it is clear that it is impossible to build and to rehabilitate newly
the relations with the children by letters, or by conversations on the telephone,
they would not understand and they will be confused.
The frequency of visits that are useless has no purpose and has no meaning of the divorced father.
A. If the father lives in a remote city, so visits will
The father will have to keeps paying alimony regardless the visitation of his children.
take 3 - 4 hours journey. The frequency of the meetings
might be once a month i.e. 12 meetings a year maybe.
This is a situation of poor contact that does not allow a continuity of a healthy contact of the children with their father.
B. If the father dwells to a different country, or to a different continent
it causes continuous journey or continuous flight
of great many hours, thing that commits the father :
To take a special vacation from work, to pay for the journey or the flight,.
And additionally to pay for room in the hotel, or guesthouse,.
The frequency of the meetings with his children might be once a year.
In one condition that the divorced father saved enough days of holiday that still were not used. Also in case that he saved enough money for the ride.
The continuity of meetings like this will unable any healthy significant contact with his children.
Clear that there will be years in which the father will not be able to visit his kids every year.
The couple do not have mental forces to divorce
After continuous period time of quarrels , the self image of the couple become so low, and the mental status of the mates is devastating .
The couple feel that they fail in their marriage. This disturb the mates to separated from each other, and truly need to join mental forces to over come these crisis that they never experience in their life before.
Since that they don't have these mental forces to break up their marriage,
they continue to compromise and to live in a miserable duality of an abject couple and end less quarrels and crises, with no solution in the future.
The track of divorce is not easy, and it can open secrets that the couple that will not be able to deal with it in the future
This track of divorce include hearings and discussions :
In the family court or rabbinical court, in the police station, they use judges, psychologists, and additional professional lawyer.
Thing is bound in financial big money and mental stress. Therefore created a situation that many couples fear to pass this journey, or that they don't have the financial money or mental forces to deal with these institution.
There are couples that they have what to conceal, and they do not want to revel their secrets
in the courts, or in front of other factors that handle their divorce, from apprehension that their secret will leak outside, thing that liable to cause them embarrassment, or other damages.
Therefore there are couples that they will choose not to divorce, or reject the decision of the divorce to another time.
Many couples are ashamed to divorce
Many couples do not admit that their marriage stumble and did not succeed. Outwards they play as a normal couple but the truth is very remote from it. There are couples that do not want to cause an unnecessary anguish to their parents and the family, maybe because they have sick parents.
Married couples with strong contact to their children do not want to divorce
Men are very much connected to their children, and clear to them that if they divorce, they lose the daily contact with their children.
Nowadays there is no possibility for the man to get his children , unless the Woman has passed a psychiatric experience, she is alcoholic, or she is on drugs.
Very few MEN have a little chance that any court will grant them the children. Therefore these men will refuse to divorce at any costs, and will not accept a situation in which they are entitled to visit their children once or twice a week.
Additionally these men will not agree to a situation in which the Woman will marry another MAN, and his children will educated by a step father, and therefore these men will never agree to divorce.
There are marriage couples that do not want to hurt their children
Couples like these will prefer to live in hell, in order not to ruin and not to hurt the future of their children. This group of couples will choose to postpone the process of divorce for several years, until all their children will leave the house.
Some of the couples will preserve their sick marriage until all their children will marry, and this in an attempt not hurt their match of their children.
And so after many years they already compromise with their bitter destiny and some of them will end their lives as married abject couple.
What are the difference between the 2 groups of children of the abject couples and the divorce couples
The group of children of the abject families that their parents can not divorce, have no ability to rehabilitate these children and give them a chance to start a new life.
Therefore the situation of these children that their parents did not succeed to divorce is much worse from the group of children that their parents succeeded to divorce.
For these abject couples it is not just a broken house it is an endless destruction of their children in the future.
There are married men that the family is all their world and all their life. There are all kind of men that are afraid to divorce for example :
A. There are men that their wife did not let their husband to develop any social contacts with other friends, because she wanted him to be surrounded by her friends and her family only, so she can keep an eye on him.
B. There are men which are orphans, and they don't have brothers, or sisters.
C. There are men that the familial contacts of there brothers ,sisters got disconnected during the years in the aftermath of continuous quarrels.
D. There are men that do not know how to return back to a social life or how to start a new life with another woman.
E. There are men that many years did not have any social contacts with friends and there is no man that is going to help them or rehabilitate them and give them a chance for a new life.
F. The familial cell for these men over the years became all their world. By braking up the familial cell all their world actually will be broken from the psychological point of view which they do not want.
In this type of situation these men will never agree to divorce, and they will prefer to live in hell , just not to be lonely and to be thrown out of the house, and become homeless and useless.